The Ancient Art of Snack Warfare

Sun Tzu said, "Be subtle, be silent." I heard "be subtle, be silent... and hide the Twix."

Philosophy Meets Parenting

Turns out, centuries-old battlefield strategy is peak parenting technique. Low-key reconnaissance, feigned calm, and the solemn promise to never share—classic Sun Tzu energy.

Tactics That Actually Work

1) Plant decoy snacks in obvious places. Kids are GPS-level suspicious, so misdirection is key. 2) Use the "I forgot" face. Works 72% of the time, every time. 3) Never open chocolate near witnesses.

Field Notes (ngl)

Walk slowly. Whisper to the candy. Hide it in a cereal box like you're a spy in a rom-com. If discovered, shrug and say "I was doing inventory." Instant credibility.

Moral of the Story

Be stoic, be tactical, and accept that one day they'll find your stash and meme you into oblivion. Until then, enjoy the sweet spoils of silent victory. lol.